Revision of an Opinion

Instructions are to revise a paper previously written for extra credit toward the grade. Could you use the grade
rubric provided to revise the paper and make it sound better?
Below are the original instructions for the paper already written:
Consider either of the assigned stories by Ambrose Bierce and imagine it as a visual work of art. Then,
compare the techniques Bierce employs in presenting details and painting a picture with words to the works of
Impressionist artists, such as Monet, Pissarro, Sisley, Cassatt, or Hassam (choose a painting or two as
foundation for your discussion). Focus your comparison on the use of detail and blurriness to achieve the
desired effect on the audience.
I could not find a place to send an attachment of the original paper so I copied it below. I need the paper to be
similar to this, but revised and improved.
Have you ever read a story so descriptive that you felt as if you were at that exact moment in time? The short
story by Ambrose Bierce, “An occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” is a story of great description and detail. The
author, Ambrose Bierce, paints an elaborate picture that shows deep emotion and feelings along with the
reality that comes with it.
“An occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge” takes place during the Civil War. The story begins with Peyton Farquhar
standing at a railroad bridge with a noose tied around his neck and his hands tied behind his back. This is
moments before his execution is about to happen. He describes how the soldiers step off of the loose planks
holding him up. The soldiers stood there with a straight face as they salute and wait for the captain's signal to
step away, sending Farquhar to his ultimate death entirely. Moments before being dropped into the river,
Farquhar describes everything he sees and the emotions that he felt. He tells how the stream looks as if it is
moving very slowly. Then he looks over at his wife and children until hearing a loud clinging bell sound, which
turns out to be his watch ticking. He imagines what he would do if he could free his hands and loosen the
noose around his neck. The sergeant then steps off of the board, sending Farquhar plummeting into the river,
losing consciousness on the way down. As he gets closer and closer to the bottom of the river, he sees a light
flicker and realizes the noose broke. He begins seeing a bright light get closer and somehow ends up on
shore. He unties his hands and takes the rope from around his neck. He looks around and sees soldiers
shooting at him and dodges a shot from a rifle. Farquhar goes with the stream current dodging bullets and
cannons. Once he gets outside of enemy lines, he gets out onto the shore. He is then pleasantly surprised to
be at the gate of his house, seeing his wife coming toward him. He is ecstatic at the fact that he finally made it
home safely. He then feels a stabbing pain in his neck as he falls to the ground. All of a sudden, everything is
dark and silent. Farquhar was dead swinging side to side over the Owl Creek Bridge.
This story will send chills down your back reading it. The whole story goes into such vivid detail about only a
few moments right before Farquhar's death. Bierce shows a unique writing style by giving readers a dream vs.
reality style. He begins the story describing the moments before Farquhar’s death, then goes back to a day in
his past to explain who Peyton Farquhar is as a person, then back to the dream. Bierce depicts Farquhar’s
emotions as well as the psychological trauma he went through in those few minutes in his life so well. The way
this author portrays stories in a unique manner that keeps the reader interested reminds me of a well-painted
portrait that shows a moment in time; you know those paintings that you can look at and picture what was
happening exactly at that moment?
Impressionist artists began a new way of painting in the nineteenth century that changed the way people
viewed the portrait. These paintings are done with short brush strokes accentuating light and showing the
passage of time, making it more realistic. Impressionists changed the way painting took place. They began
painting outside and using more of a blending technique blurring the lines of your typical sharp-edged portrait.
These artists started bringing the subject forefront and used multiple colors to blend the background in. The
short story “An occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" reminds me of the impressionist painting style because of the
unique subjects and blended lines. The portraits and the story make the mind wander and fantasize, rather
than sticking to an objective sense of reality. This style makes readers and art lovers more interested because
it gives them a way to get away from their existence just by looking at a portrait or diving deep into a good
story.
Mary Cassatt was one of the impressionist artists that caught my eye. Woman impressionist artists tried to