Peter Pan Revision

Eliminating the redundancy/repetition in the essay and streamlining your points.
Confine the intro to one paragraph and end the intro with your thesis. Your thesis is at the end of the 2nd paragraph. Then the 3rd paragraph just repeats what
you've already laid out. Combine paragraphs 1 and 2 and eliminate 3. Then, do a reverse outline to identify your topic sentences and eliminate any repetition
Finally, do better work with your sources. You effectively have citations without any real engagement with your sources. Start with a tag sentence and do some summary work. Then quote or talk about the specific point that you are using from the source.