Interpersonal Communications

Interpersonal Communications Order Description Guidelines for paper 1.Read the letter 2.In the letter, try to identify what the "speech acts" are that manifest the problem... you can probably easily pick out what the problem is, but you'll need to be able to describe (without evaluation) the actions that may be causing or symptomatic of the problem. Figure out what communication scholars call that behavior or process (e.g., "self-dislcosure", "secret keeping", "secret revelation", "non-accommodation", "uncertainty reduction", etc.) 3.Learn about what scholars know about that concept. Which theories are attached to this concept? What are the predictions scholars have made regarding this concept? 4.Based on what you know (not on your own gut instinct or personal morales) create an "evidence-based" solution. That is, your solution should clearly draw on and be substantiated by theory. 5.Once you have all these pieces, think about how you could organize these ideas so that the recipient of your letter could understand the reasoning and the proposed solution. In a sense, you're kind of teaching the recipient what you know about communication and then, based on this knowledge you've now explained, propose a solution. [Pretend you're talking to a sibling or friend that doesn't take comm courses] 6.Make sure you have these elements in your paper to have proper APA format... 1.Running header (different on first page than rest of pages) 2.Page numbers 3.Title page with info centered and in the top third of the page 4. 4.References (NOT WORKS CITED!) page with all citations double spaced and using "hanging indents" FIRST WEEK OCT.6 CH. 1 Into to Interpersonal Comm WHAT IS COMM: process through which people use messages to generate meaning within & across contexts (situation or environment you find yourself in), cultures, channels, & media Process Uses messages (verbal & nonverbal) Occurs in contexts (situations of interaction) Happens via channels (FtF, texting, social media, email) Requires media (our comm is filtered through media – mass media) 5 most common forms of comm media by college kids: texts, FtF, social media, E-mail, talking on the phone Understanding COMM models 3 models of comm process: (help us understand comm process w/ others) Linear: Sender –> messages comm through channels (noise) -> receiver Internal noise (when you’re hungry, tired, emotional) can impede message ability getting to receiver External noise (loud music, outside distraction) Receiver (no feedback – ex. leaving a voicemail, sending text) Interactive: Sender -> message (noise) -> receiver -> feedback Feedback (verbal or nonverbal) Fields of experience (between sender & receiver – they each bring a field of experience – individuals beliefs, values, attds, to a comm process) Fields of experience – influences our interpretation (if we fail to recognize…leads to discrimination, stereotype) Transactional: Feedback/comm occurs simultaneously Most complex way of comm Both individuals are creating comm, messages, & meaning Internal & external noise still affecting receiver Communicator (field of exp.) -> msgs exchanged through channels, jointly creating meaning (noise) -> communicator (field of exp.) FtF comm – interpersonal rels Oct. 8 Interpersonal Comm – dynamic form of comm bet. 2 (or more) ppl in which messages (verbal or nonverbal) exchanged significantly influence their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, & rels Dynamic – always changing Typically transactional (simultaneous sending messages to each other) Primarily dyadic (at least 2 ppl) Impact-creating (what someone says impacts & forever changes the other person) Buber names 2 ways of relating to others: I-Thou: deepens bonds & affirms individual uniqueness (affirms rel/bond bet. 2 ppl – intimacy building, affirmative, validates rels) I-It: leads to impersonal comm (you comm w/ ppl based on their social roles – when you talk to a barista, TJ worker wants to know everything about u lol) & even disrespectful comm Principles of Interpersonal Comm: (what scholars believe to be true about the science of interpersonal comm) 1. Conveys content (literal level of messages – words themselves) & rel info (how 2 ppl feel about each other in a rel – symbolizes what their rel is like – harmonious? How do you feel about 1 another?) – tone of lang/choice of words matters Ex. you’re feeling salty & someone asks you “are you okay?” you reply “I’m fine” (content) said in annoyed tone (rel) bc they upset you meta-comm – comm about comm talking about your comm ex. in new rel & try to figure out conflict styles & management ex. “I didn’t mean that… I was just joking!” 2. Can be intentional or unintentional you are sending messages that someone is interpreting as comm ex. also your appearance, tattoos, how you look 3. Is irreversible (you can’t take it back!) 4. Is dynamic (always changing!) 5. Is intertwined with ethics & moral principles sometimes it’s more ethical to be dishonest in a situation depending on that moment Motives for Interpersonal Comm Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: (describes human experience of what we need & want to survive) 1. Physical – food, water, shelter 2. Safety – safe from harm, security, physically/emotionally stable 3. Social –family, friends, lovers 4. Self-esteem – feel good about yourself, confidence 5. Self-actualization – meeting goals, dreams Types of goals: 1. Self-presentation goals impression you want of how others see you 2. Instrumental goals getting a job, social support 3. Relationship goals initiation (meeting a new friend), increase/decrease intimacy, etc. Research in Interpersonal Comm Research Theory Qualitative approaches Hypotheses Quantitative approaches Interpersonal Competence Consistently communicating in ways that are appropriate, effective, & ethical Know what to say, when to say, and how to say How to deliver a message that makes sense to the audience Comm skills – repeatable goal-directed behaviors & behavioral patterns that you routinely practice in your interpersonal encounters & rels Appropriateness – degree to which your comm matches situational, relational, cultural expectations We judge how appropriate our comm is through – self-monitoring stay mindful ** High self-monitors – follow expectations Low self-monitors – “act like themselves” Effectiveness – use comm to accomplish the goals of self-presentational, instrumental, relational goals Ethics – moral principles that guide our behavior Online Comm competence Anything put online is permanent & public – choose appropriate medium – don’t assume online comm is more efficient – presume posts are public & permanent – practice creating drafts *advice let emotions settle 2nd Week Oct. 13 CH. 2 Considering Self The Components of Self Self – evolving composite that develops continually over time based on life experience 3 parts: self-awareness, self-concept, self-esteem Ex. video to basic terms, group membership, psychological terms ~ always evolving Self-Awareness Ability to view yourself as a unique person then reflect on your thoughts, feelings, behaviors (aside from any outside factors [gender, groups, etc]) Think about who we are and our actions Social comparison Observing & assigning meaning to others’ behavior & comparing it against your own Self-Concept Overall perception of who you are influenced by the beliefs, attitudes, & values about yourself Looking-glass self – how our self-concept is influenced by what we believe others think of us Self-fulfilling prophecies – predictions about future interactions that lead us to behave in ways that ensure the interaction unfolds as we predicted Other people have an impact on this & so do we (if you think you can do something then YOU CAN)  beliefs  act in ways that set yourself up for success  accomplish what you think will happen * LAW OF ATTRACTION * Self-Esteem Overall value, positive or negative, that we assign to ourselves Evaluation / judgment on ourselves If we have positive evaluations about self, we have high self esteem Negative / low self-esteem  vicious cycle Negative beliefs about self  how you feel about that  low self-esteem  why do you hate yourself? / feel that way Having too high of self-esteem is detrimental also The Sources of Self Our selves are shaped by the powerful outside forces of gender (social construction of what it means to be male or female), fam, culture Gender – composite of social, psychological, & cultural attributes that characterize a person as male or female Ex. expectations of what It means to be a man or woman (measures up to your sense of self – hurt esteem or help it) CH. 2   Considering Self Family & Self 4 attachment styles: Secure attachment Preoccupied attachment Dismissive attachment Fearful attachment Culture & Self Culture – an established, coherent set of beliefs, attitudes, values, & practices shared by a large group of people Belonging to an individualistic or a collectivist culture shapes our views of self Maintaining Your Public Self When you comm with others, you present a public self, or face Mask Embarrassment The Importance of Online Self-Presentation Interacting online gives us the freedom to be flexible with our identities & to control how others perceive us 3 ways to improve online self-presentation: 1. Be wary of info that contradicts your self-image 2. Routinely conduct Web searches on yourself 3. Keep the interview test in mind The Relational Self One of the reasons we carefully craft the presentation of our self is to create interpersonal rels Opening Your Self to Others Social penetration theory: revealing the self to others involves peeling back or penetrating layers There are 3 layers to the self” 1. Outermost, peripheral layers 2. Intermediate layers 3. Central layers Breadth Depth Self-disclosure Interpersonal process model of intimacy Disclosing yourself to others 1. Varies across & within cultures 2. Happens more quickly online 3. Promotes mental health 4. Occurs among men & women equally Improve your self-disclosure skills: Know yourself Know your audience Don’t force others to self-disclose Don’t presume gender preferences Be sensitive to cultural differences Go slowly 3rd week Oct. 20 CH. 3 Opening Your Self to Others Social Penetration theory – revealing the self to others – peeling back or penetrating layers Layers of the Self Peripheral layers Age College major Hometown Intermediate Musical tastes Political beliefs Leisure interests Central Breadth - # of diff aspects Depth – detailed Intimacy – union / feeling of closeness Disclosing your self to others Self disclosure – revealing private info about self to others Interpersonal process model of intimacy: closeness we feel toward others is created through self disclosure & responsiveness of listeners Joint activity – both listening & reciprocating Self Disclosure: Varies across & within cultures Happens more quickly online Promotes mental health Occurs among men & women equally* Women are more responsive Men disclose more at beginning of rels No significant gender differences Improve your self disclosure skills Know yourself Know your audience Don’t force others to self disclose Don’t presume gender preferences Be sensitive to cultural diff Go slowly Ch. 3 Perceiving Others We act on the presumption that our understanding of a situation is the objective truth rather than a subjective perception Perception – process of selecting, organizing, & interpreting info from our sense 1. Selecting Info focus your attention on certain sights, sounds, stimuli in our environment salience – degree to which something is noticeable & significant to us 2. Organizing the Info You’ve Selected organization – structuring selected info into a coherent pattern punctuation – structuring info into a chronological sequence that matches how you experienced the order of events creates starting & stopping points of interaction most apparent whilst arguing / conflict with someone 3. Interpreting the Info final step of perception is interpretation – assigning meaning to selected info schemata – mental structures containing info that defines concepts’ characteristics & interrelationships Attributions – explanations for others’ comments or behaviors Internal (personal traits) External (situational) Errors in Attribution: Fundamental attribution error We explain people’s failures / negative behaviors as internal attributions More likely to explain other peoples’ successes as external attributions Ex. break up explanations Self-serving bias When we succeed we attribute success to internal variables Ex. I got a good grade because I studied & worked hard When we fail we blame it on external sources Ex. my boss never liked me anyways that’s why I got fired Oct. 22 Influences on Perception Powerful forces outside of our conscious awareness shape our perception, including culture, gender, personality Perception & Culture Culture affects whether you perceive others as similar or diff from yourself Ingroup – fundamentally similar Outgroup – fundamentally dissimilar Perception & Gender Studies show that only about 1% of comm behavior is influenced by gender Gender – social expectations / perception of male & female Men & women have diff expectations in society Personality Our characteristic way of thinking, feeling, acting based on the traits we possess “Big Five” (OCEAN): 1. Openness how open you are to new experiences, diversity 2. Conscientiousness how mindful / aware of yourself & your actions are you & their impact on other people 3. Extraversion how outgoing you are / your social side 4. Agreeableness your ability to get along with others / helpful, supportive, cooperative 5. Neuroticism your ability to control your emotions high neurotic – people w/ anxiety (can’t control emotions) Implicit Personality theories are beliefs about diff personality types & the ways in which personality traits cluster together Group personalities together (lazy, sloppy, rude_ Interpersonal impressions are mental pictures of who people are and how we feel about them Constructing Gestalts Gestalts are general impressions of people, either pos or neg positivity bias: the tendency for Gestalts to be pos when first formed negativity effect: the tendency to emphasize neg info we learn Halo effect: positively interpreting what someone says or does because we have a positive Gestalt of them Horn Effect: negatively interpreting the comm of people for whom we have negative Gestalts Using Stereotypes Stereotyping describes overly simplistic interpersonal impressions While flawed, stereotypes streamline the impression process & are almost impossible to avoid Offering Empathy When we experience empathy we “feel into” others’ thoughts & emotions 2 components: perspective-taking putting yourself in someone else’s shoes empathetic concern express true empathy – ability to understand & take on same emotional experiences someone else is going through NOT about you at all (I know how it feels etc. or its gonna be okay) Week 4 Oct. 27 Ch. 5 Listening Actively 5 step process Listening: 1. Receiving Hearing occurs when sound wave vibrations travel along acoustic nerves to your brain seeing & hearing noise pollution can cause hearing impairment (internal or external) 2. Attending devoting attention to the info you’ve received salience – the degree to which something is noticeable or significant limiting multitasking online improves attention elevating your attention approves it mental bracketing: systematically putting aside irrelevant thoughts 3. Understanding interpreting meaning (sense making) new info is housed in yoiur short term memory long term memory 4. Responding conveying your attention & understanding after someone shared feedback is given while others talk proximity, body language, eye contact, smiling back-channel cues signal you’ve paid attention & understand specifics paraphrasing: summarizing others’ comments after they’ve finished talking 5. Recalling remembering info mnemonics: devices that aid memory bizarreness effect: unusual info is more readily recalled Listening Functions: 1. Listening to comprehend 2. Listening to discern (figure out someone’s current mood 3. Listening to analyze (small tasks, group teams) 4. Listening to appreciate 5. Listening to support (sets aside your judgment) Adapting your listening purpose An essential part of active listening is adapting your listening purposes to the varying demands of interpersonal encounters Understanding Listening Styles Culture & gender affect listening styles Oct. 29 Listening Cont’d Listening Styles Your habitual pattern of listening behaviors Action oriented Looking to get info to be delivered quickly and efficiently, clearly – directly Also looking to problem solve, take an action Time-oriented Like info delivered quickly & directly Getting info out in a precise, low content level The quicker to get to your point, the quicker I can move on with my life People-oriented Cultivating, building rels with others More relational level meanings of people Into building bonds with others / empathetic Content-oriented Think critically about the message involved Women are more likely to be people-oriented & content-oriented Men are more time-oriented & action-oriented Culture & listening styles Effective listening varies across cultures In America, time- and action- oriented listening styles dominate In collectivistic cultures, people- and content- oriented listening dominate Preventing Incompetent Listening 5 incompetent types of listening: 1. Selective listening taking in only those bits & pieces of info that are immediately salient & dismissing the rest 2. Eavesdropping intentionally & systematically setting up situations so you can listen to private convos 3. Pseudo-listening is behaving as if you’re paying attention though you’re really not 4. Aggressive listening attending to others solely to find an opportunity to attack them (ambushers) provocateurs: people who post messages designed to annoy others 5. Narcissistic listening self-absorbed listening: the perpetrator ignores what others say & redirects the convo to him- or herself Week 6 Oct. 3 CH. 6 Communicating Verbally Characteristics of Verbal Comm verbal comm is the exchange of spoken or written lang w/ others during interactions (lang. is agreed upon) Language is symbolic Words are the primary symbols that we use to represent people, objects, events, & ideas Their meaning differs for each person Language is Governed by Rules Constitutive rules define word meaning: they tell us which words represent which objects The “why” behind what we say Ex. keep harmony, reduce conflict regulative rules govern how we use lang. when we verbally comm guide our behavior ex. list of chores >> so you can maintain a rel & stay connected (use constitutive rules for meanings & regulate them) Language is Flexible Personal idioms are words & phrases that have unique meanings to them Dialects: variations on language rules shared by large groups of people ex. meaning of “cool” ex. soda vs. pop Language is Cultural Within high-context cultures people presume that listeners share common knowledge Not about spoken or literal meaning, it’s about nonverbal (silence speaks volumes) Asian countries In low-context cultures people don’t presume that listeners share common beliefs, attitudes, & values Rely on direct, literal connection / verbal meaning of messages American culture (Also Swedish, German) Language Evolves Many view language as fixed, but it is actually constantly changing We add new words to our language (e.g. tweet, app, cyber bullying, sexting, & discard old ones) Neologisms – when new words evolve Functions of Verbal Comm Verbal comm serves many diff functions in our daily lives Depending on our intention & motivation – serves functions of words Words are irreversible tho – toothpaste outta da tube Sharing Meaning denotative meaning the literal meaning of your words, as defined by your culture dictionary definition of words connotative meaning additional understanding of a word’s meaning based on the situation & on common knowledge subjective meaning of words / context how people feel about the words Oct. 5 Ch. 6 Comm Verbally cont’d Shaping Thought linguistic determinism is the view that lang defines the boundaries of thinking Sapir Worf hypothesis – lang. shapes our reality linguistic relativity: people from diff cultures perceive the world in very diff ways ex. cultures don’t have words for certain English equivalent words (ex. “hate”) / ex. Eskimos have 20 diff words for “snow” Managing Rels Verbal comm is the principle means through which we maintain ongoing rels Cooperative Verbal Comm 1. Is easily understood 2. Takes ownership with “I” lang 3. Includes others with “we” lang Using “I” lang Important when managing conflict – help it not escalate Helps the other person stay open in listening as opposed to shutting down & becoming defensive ”You” language places the focus of attention & blame on other people criticize others ”I” language emphasizes ownership of your feelings, opinions, & beliefs remedy to “you” lang. 3 step process: describe feeling Emotion: I feel… Behavior: “when you…” (must have evidence) Why: “because…” (it makes me feel like you don’t care about me) Using “We” Language ”We” language emphasizes inclusion, unity ex. we want you apart of this; couples Gender & Cooperative Verbal Comm Women & men are more similar than different when verbally communicating Culture & Cooperative Verbal Comm Comm Accommodation theory (Giles, 1973) holds that people are motivated to adapt their lang. when: They’re seeking social approval They wish to establish rels They view others’ lang. as appropriate > we like people who are like us / match that to be included & accepted into a new group – converge comm to be more similar > or not accommodate – diverge (goal to be perceived as less similar) ex. police officers diverge from civilized people to show authority/control Be aware of over accommodating (elderly, ethnic groups) Barriers to Cooperative Verbal Comm 1. Comm Apprehension fear or anxiety associated with interaction 2. Defensive Comm 3. Verbal Aggression 4. Deception Week 7 Nov. 17 Communicating through Touch Haptics is using touch to comm nonverbally (helps our overall wellbeing, implies immediacy, closeness, love & affection; many diff purposes) Functional-professional touch Ex. doctors, student-teacher rel Social-polite touch Ex. handshake Friendship-warmth touch Ex. hugging Love-intimacy touch Sexual-arousal touch Aggressive-hostile touch Proxemics is comm through the use of physical distance (can create distance in rels; level of formality a rel is; symbolize dominance, power) Intimate space 0-18” Personal space 18”-4’ Social space 4’-12’ Public space 12’+ Territoriality is the tendency to claim physical spaces as our own Chronemics the way you use time to comm during interpersonal encounters Monochronic = time is limited Polychromic = time as endless physical appearance is visible attributes such as hair, clothing, & body type clothing artifacts are the things we possess that express our identity to others environment is the physical features of our surroundings fixed features (part of architecture) semi fixed features (decorations, plants, furniture) Functions of Nonverbal Comm 1. Conveys meanings 2. Expresses emotion 3. Presents our selves to others 4. Helps manage interactions 5. Defines relationships nonverbal comm helps create intimacy nonverbal comm also allows us to express dominance (sibling rels; boss & subordinate) or submissiveness Nov. 19 Ch. 7 Comm Nonverbally Cont’d Functions of Nonverbal Comm 1. Conveying Meaning reiterating or reinforcing using your finger to point, say I love you & reinforce w/ a touch a kiss contradicting sarcastic tone, eye roll / “No I’m fine” enhancing use nonverbals to “play up” verbal comm – ex. pull my hair to play up emotional state substituting or replacing emojis – use something to replace verbal spotlighting emphasizing what you want to say (tone/pitch) put a WORD in all caps or bold Expressing Emotion Affect displays- intentional or unintentional nonverbal behaviors that reveal actual or feigned emotions SMEYES! Presenting Self Nonverbal comm helps us present diff aspects of our self to others Artifacts, volume of voice (loud or quiet person, touchy person Managing Interactions Kinesics (eye contact, facial expressions( let us shape comm Ex. turn taking – pause after talking, head nod, etc. Defining Rels – intimacy, dominance Competently Managing your Nonverbal COmm 4 principles: nonverbal speaks louder than verbal nonverbal is tied to culture nonverbal messages depend on context (setting, situation, relationship) nonverbal & verbal comm work together CH. 8 Managing Conflict & Power Conflict & Interpersonal Comm Most conflict occur between people who know each other What is conflict? Conflict occurs when people perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in achieving their objectives Features of Conflict: Conflict begins with perception Conflict involves clashes in goals or behaviors Conflict is a process Conflict is dynamic Its an inherent part of relational life Conflict in Relationships Conflict typically arise from: Irritating/annoying partner behaviors Disagreements regarding relationship rules Bringing up past events, verbal aggression, what’s off limits Personality clashes Week 8 Nov. 24 Conflict Cont’d Power – ability to influence or control people & events Grant power to others depending on the person’s role Power’s Defining Characteristics 1. Power is Always Present Symmetrical relationships (balanced / equal power / egalitarian/democratic) Complementary relationships (imbalanced / parent & child) Dyadic Power Theory: People with moderate power are most likely to use controlling comm 2. Power can be used ethically or unethically 3. Power is Granted 4. Power influences conflicts people compete for different powerful positions Power currency is a resource others value Some type of commodity people desire resource currency (time, money, food, shelter) expertise currency (skill, knowledge) social network currency (connections to jobs, partners) personal currency (intelligence, attractiveness, charisma) intimacy currency (emotions, intimacy) Power & Culture Power-distance is the degree to which people view the unequal distribution of power as acceptable High-power distance cultures Accept distance in social hierarchy of those who have power Low-power distance cultures View power distance as something that can change (just bc you are born into a social class you can still bridge gaps bet. Those w/ power & those w/out power) Power and Gender ^ intertwined Economic opportunity & political representation are the least equal of the four “pillars” (healthcare, educational, economic, political) Handling Conflict How you approach conflict affects the outcomes 1. Avoidance is ignoring a conflict, pretending it isn’t happening, or communicating indirectly takes the form of skirting or sniping (ex. turkey drop – break up right before the holiday) can lead to cumulative annoyance (build up of irritants) can lead to pseudo-conflicts (misunderstanding but avoidance doesn’t give the chance to work out a conflict – once you talk about the issue it’s no longer a conflict) 2. Accommodation is abandoning one’s goals & acquiescing to the desires of another 3. Competition is the pursuit of one’s own goals without regard for others’ goals can trigger defensive comm can lead to escalation 4. Reactivity is comm in an emotionally explosive & negative fashion 5. Collaboration is treating conflict as a mutual problem-solving challenge often results in compromise INTRODUCING INTERPERSONAL COMM The comm choices we make determine the personal, interpersonal, & rel outcomes that follow Defining Comm 1. Comm is a process that unfolds over time through a series of interconnected actions carried out by the participants everything you say & do affects what is said & done in the present & future 2. Messages convey meaning package of info transported during comm  (interaction) 3. Comm occurs through contexts factors influenced by: how much time we have, how many ppl in vicinity, whether the setting is personal or prof 4. Comm through variety of channels sound, visual, touch, scent, taste 5. Media used to transmit info (email, text, FB) Understanding Comm Models Linear  - info flows in 1 direction (start point to end) Sender, message, channel. Noise, receiver Ex. Text, IM, email, wall posts – simple / straightfwd Interactive – transmission influenced by feedback (verbal or nonverbal) and fields of experience (beliefs, attitudes, etc) Ex. groups presentations, team meetings, classroom instruction - neglects active role that receivers often play in constructing meanings Transactional – comm is multidirectional Each participant equally influences the comm behavior of the other participants Ex. any encounter in which you & others jointly create comm meaning - doesn’t apply to many online comm, email, FB posts, texts no senders or receivers / all active exchange messages & feedback collaboratively creating meanings What is interpersonal comm? Dynamic form of comm bet. 2+ ppl in which the messages exchanged significantly influence their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, & rels Dynamic – constantly in motion & changing over time 1. Most comm is spontaneously created from thoughts, moods, emotions at the moment 2. most interpersonal comm is transactional – both parties contribute to the meaning 3. Interpersonal comm is dyadic – involves pairs of ppl 4. Creates impact – changes participants thoughts, emotions, behaviors, & rels Approach someone with open mind & welcoming heart -> I-Thou Affording them the same attention & respect we expect for ourselves I-It – we feel superior – focus on our differences, refuse to accept or acknowledge rival viewpoints as lefit We regard people as objects which we observe Interpersonal comm CONTRASTS with Impersonal comm – exchanges that have a negligible (insignificant) perceived impact on our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, rels Ex. watching tv w/ a lover nd one of you casually comments on an ADV Interpersonal Comm Conveys content & rel info Content info – actual meaning of the words (through spoken or written words) Rel info – signals indicating how each of you views your rel (comm through nonverbal cues – vocal tone, pitch, facial expression, eye contact, hand gestures) >> influence how you see yourself: superior, equal, inferior whether you see the rel as intimate, acquainted, or estranged Rel info strongly influences how ppl interpret content info  can be considered specific meta-comm – comm about comm (any message, verbal/non, that has its central focus the meaning of comm-everything from discussion of precious comments “I was joking when I said that: to questioning how a message should be interpreted “what did he mean when he said that?” Meta-comm heps us understand each other’s comm, giving us addtl guidance regarding how msgs should be percieved Rel info becomes most obvious when its unexpected or suggests that the sender’s view of the rel is diff from the receiver’s Interpersonal: intentional or unintentional Most of what you say & do will be perceived as comm Interpersonal comm is irreversible By posting a msg etc. you set in motion the series of outcomes that follow  - once you’ve said something, you cant take it back Interpersonal Comm is Dynamic Your comm & all that influences it – perceptions, thoughts, feelings, emotions are constantly in flux MOTIVES FOR INTERPERSONAL COMM Human needs  - interpersonal comm allows us to develop& foster interactions & rels that help us fulfill needs Social needs (satisfying emotional bonds w/ friends, fam) Self-esteem needs – have some other’s respect, admiration – by contributing something of value to the world Self-actualization – articulating our unique abilities & giving our best in our work, fam, personal life Specific goals 1. Self-presentation goals – desires you have to present yourself in certain ways so others perceive you as being a particular type of person 2. Instrumental goals – practical aims you want to achieve or tasks you want to accomplish through a particular interpersonal encounter ex. you want to borrow friend’s Porsche so you remind her of your solid driving record 3. Relationship goals – building, maintaining, or terminating bonds w/ others Research in Inter Comm Qualitative (observation -> hypothesis) vs. Quantitative (propose a theory, formulate hypothesis, then observe) Inter Comm Competence? Matters the most during difficult situations Usually positive outcomes Comm competently will help you achieve more of your interpersonal goals, but it doesn’t guarantee all your rel problems will be solved Interpersonal comm competence – consistently comm in ways that are appropriate (your comm follows accepted norms) effective (comm enables you to achieve your goals) & ethical (comm treats ppl fairly) 1. Acquire knowledge of what it means to comm competently 2. Learn how to translate this knowledge into comm skills – repeatable goal-directed behaviors & behavioral patterns that you routinely practice in your interpersonal encounters & rels Characteristics of competence comm: Appropriateness – degree to which your ocmm matches situational, relational & cultural expectations regarding how people should comm Self-monitoring – observing our own comm & norms of the situation to make appropriate comm choices Effectiveness – ability to use comm to accomplish 3 types of inter goals (self-presentational, instrumental, relational) – picking one over the other to maintain satisfying close rels Ethics – moral principles that guide our behavior toward others  - strive to treat others with respect, & comm with them honestly, kindly, positively Improving competence online 1. Match the gravity of your message to your comm medium (online not best for in depth, lengthy comm) 2.  Don’t assume that online comm is always more efficient 3. Presume that your posts are public 4. Remember your posts are public 5. Practice the art of creating drafts Issues of Inter Comm Culture – consider differences when discussing inter comm & how comm skills can be improved Gender & sexual orientation Gender – social, psychological, cultural traits associated with one sex or the other  - influenced how ppl comm interpersonally CH. 2 Considering Self The SELF – evolving composite of self-awareness, self-concept, self-esteem (not singular, continually evolving over time based on life experiences) Self-awareness – step outside our self & view you distinct from surroundings/environment – reflect on your thoughts, feelings, behaviors Ex. self-awareness = compassion when texting a bff who failed her exam your comforting response Social comparison – observing/assigning others’ behavior then comparing it against ours Critical self-reflection – what am I thinking & feeling? Why? How can I improve my thoughts, feelings, & comm? Self-concept Your overall perception of who you are based on beliefs, attitudes, & values you have about yourself Thinking about how others see us – looking-glass self Hard to change it once you’ve decided you’re a compassionate/whatever person Self-fulfilling prophecies – predictions about future interactions that lead us to behave in ways that ensure the interaction unfolds as we predicted Self-esteem Overall value, pos or neg, that we assign to ourselves Evaluation of yourself Self-discrepancy theory – suggests that self-esteem is determined by how you compare to 2 mental standards 1. Your ideal self, the characteristics you want to possess “perfect you” 2. “ought self” – the person others wish & expect you to be half of what makes us who we are is determined by our biological heritage / also shaped by outside forces of gender, fam, culture gender -> most profound outside force shaping our sense of self shaped over time through our interactions w/ others Family & self Our comm w/ caregivers powerfully shape our beliefs regarding the functions, rewards, & dependability of interpersonal rels Attachment anxiety – degree to which a person fears rejection by rel partners Feel unlovable & unworthy (low attachment anxiety – you feel lovable) Attachment avoidance – degree to which someone desires close interpersonal ties High attachment avoidance -> little interest in intimacy, preferring solitude instead Secure attachment – indiv are low on anxiety & avoidance – comfty w/ intimacy & seek close ties w/ others (high self-esteem, good w/ sexual intimacy) Preoccupied attachment – high in anxiety & low in avoidance – desire closeness,  but plagued w/ fear of rejection Difficulty maintaining long-term rels / may use sex to satisfy compulsive need to feel loved Dismissive attachment – low anxiety, high avoidance Close rels are unimportant / prioritize self-reliance Most likely to do casual sex Fearful attachment – high in attachment anxiety & avoidance – fear rejection & shun rels Rels w/ a disabled or someone dependent on them Culture & self Managing your public self is a crucial part of competent interpersonal comm Maintaining Public Self Face – public self that you want others to see & know Mask – public self designed to strategically veil your private self Info that contradicts our face -> losing face / embarrassment Online self-presentation Photo is the most powerful vehicle Warranting theory – when assessing someone’s online self-descriptions, we consider the warranting value – of the info presented (degree to which the info is supported by other people & outside evidence 1. Online comm is dominated by visual info – text, photos, videos 2. What others say about you online is more important than what you say about yourself 3. Subject your online self-presentation through an “interview test” – would you share it in an interview? Relational Self Social penetration theory – we have layers (onion like) of revealing ourselves Outermost, peripheral layers – demographic characteristics such as birthplace, age, gender, ethnicity Intermediate layers – attitudes, opinions about music, politics, food, entertainment, & other characteristics  such as self-awareness, self-concept, self-esteem fears, etc. Depth & breadth are intertwined w/ intimacy (feeling of closeness & union) Breadth - # of diff aspects of self you reveal at each layer Depth – how deeply into one another’s self the partners have penetrated Blind area – facets of yourself that are apparent to others through your interpersonal comm but you aren’t aware of To improve comm, we must see it & change the aspects within them that lead to incompetent comm Disclosing your self to others Self-disclosure -  reveal private info about ourselves to others Interpersonal process model of intimacy – closeness we feel toward others in our rels is created through: self-disclosure & responsiveness of listeners to disclosure Competently Disclosing yourself Know your self Know your own feelings before sharing them – when you disclose feelings about others directly to them, you affect their lives & rel decisions Know your audience Think about how others will perceive your disclosure & how it will impact their thoughts & feelings about you If you’re unsure about the appropriateness of a disclosure & how it will impact their thoughts & feelings about you, don’t disclose Don’t force others to self-disclose Its unethical & destructive to force others into sharing info against their will Don’t presume gender preferences Be sensitive to cultural differences Disclose gradually when comm w/ diff backgrounds Go slowly CH. 3 PERCIEVING OTHERS We perceive – we create the meanings we assign to people, their comm, & our rels perception – guides our interpersonal comm & rel decisions Perception as a Process Process of selecting, organizing, & interpreting info from our senses Selecting Info Focusing attention on certain sights, sounds, tastes, touches, or smells in our environment Salience- the degree to which particular people or aspects of their comm attract our attentions Organizing Info You Select Organization – structure info into a coherent pattern inside your mind Punctuation – structuring the info you’ve selected into a chronological sequence that matches how you experienced the order of events Avoid perceptual misunderstandings that lead to conflict by understanding how our org & punctuation of info differ from others Interpreting the Info Assigning meaning to that info Call to mind familiar info that’s relevant to the current encounter Use that info to make sense of what we’re hearing & seeing & create explanations for why things are happening schetma – mental structures that contain info defining the characteristics of various concepts & how those characteristics are related to each other attributions – we create explanations for others’ comments or behaviors our answers to the “why” Q’s we ask every day internal attributes – presume that a person’s comm or behavior stems from internal causes, such as character or personality ex. shes rude external attributions – a person’s comm is caused by factors unrelated to personal qualities fundamental attribution error – tendency to attribute other’s behavior solely to internal causes (the kind of person they are) rather than social forces actor-observer effect – tendency for ppl to make external attributions regarding their own behaviors self-serving bias – take credit for the success by making an internal attribution Uncertainty Reduction Theory Primary goal in initial interactions is to reduce uncertainty about our comm partners by gathering enough info about them so their comm becomes predictable & explainable Passie strategies – help predict how someone may behave when interacting w/ you, reducing your uncertainty Ex. observing someone at a party Active strategies – asking other ppl Qs about someone youre interested in Interactive strategies – starting a direct interaction w/ the person you’re interested in Influences on Perception Perception & Culture We all have diff schemata Culture affects whether you perceive others as similar to or diff from yourself Ingroups – share cultural beliefs Outgroups – ppl not similar to you Perception & Gender Men & women comm interpersonally almost the same Ppl are socialized to believe that men & women comm differently Personality Shapes how we perceive others Personality – individuals characteristic way of thinking, feeling , & acting based on traits – enduring motives & impulses that you possess Implicit personality theories – personal beliefs about diff types of personalities & THE WAYS IN WHICH TRAITS CLUSTER TOGETHER Forming Impressions of Others Interpersonal impressions – mental pics of who ppl are & how we feel about them Gestalt – general sense of a person that’s either positive or negative We judge based on traits from drawing on info in our schemata We render quick judgments – little mental effort Positivity bias – when gestalts are formed & more likely positive than negative Negativity effect – we don’t treat all info that we learn about ppl as equally important – emphasize on the neg info Halo effect – positively interpret what someone says or does bc we have a positive Gestalt to them Horn effect – negatively interpret the comm & behavior of ppl for whom we have neg gestalts Calculating Algebraic Impressions Carefully evaluating each new thing we learn about a person Using Stereotypes Evaluate ppl based on info we have in our schemata related to these groups Improving Your Perception of Others Offering empathy, embracing world-mindedness, & chacking our perception Empathy – feel into others thoughts & emotions, making an attempt to understand their perspectives & be aware of their feelings in order to identify w/ them Perspective taking – ability to see things from someone else’s vantage point w/out necessarily experiencing that person’s emotions Empathetic concern – becoming aware of how the other person is feeling, experiencing a sense of compassion regarding the other person’s emotional state, & perhaps even experiencing some of his or her emotions yourself Embracing World-Mindedness Acceptance of & respect toward other cultures’ beliefs, values, & customs Opposite of ethnocentrism – belief that one’s own cultural beliefs, attitudes, values, & practice are superior to those of others Checking your perception Rearrange your thought-patterns 1. Check your punctuation (keep in mind other ppl may see things differently) 2. Check your knowledge (never presume you know the “truth” about what others really mean) 3. Check your attributions (avoid attributing exclusively to internal causes such as character or personality) 4. Check perceptual influences (reflect on how culture, gender, personality shape your perception of others) 5. Check your impressions Influences on Perception Implicit personality theories – help guide our perceptions of others personalities- sometimes lead us to presume in others traits that they actually don’t possess ,resulting in ineffective comm CH. 5 LISTENING ACTIVELY Active listening – we transcend our own thoughts, ideas, & beliefs & begin to directly experience the words & worlds of other people Listening – involves receiving, attending to, understanding, responding to, & recalling sounds & visual images Receiving Constituted by seeing & hearing Be aware of noise pollutions Attending Devoting attention to the info you’ve received Extent to which you attend to received info is determined by salience Mental bracketing – systematically putting aside thoughts that aren’t relevant t the interaction at hand Understanding Interpreting the meaning of another person’s comm by comparing newly received info against our past knowledge Responding How you comm your attention & understand who you are listening to Feedback Verbal & nonverbal behaviors to comm attention & understanding while others are talking Back-channel cues – verbal & nonverbal behaviors such as nodding & making comments “uh huh” that signal you’ve paid attention to & understood specific comments Recalling Remembering info after you’ve received, attended to, understood, & responded to it Mnemonics – devices that aid memory Bizarreness effect – causes us to remember unusual info more readily than commonplace info 5 functions of Listening: listening functions – purposes for listening we experience daily Comprehend Listen to accurately interpret & sore the info you receive so you can correctly recall it later Discern Focus on distinguishing specific sounds from each other Listen to Vocal tone to assess mood & stress level Analyze Evaluate the message you receive  & judge it Ex. listening father’s neutral comments about recent medical checkup to see for signs of worry / if he’s hiding something Appreciate Goal is to enjoy the sounds & sights then to respond by expressing your appreciation Support Providing comfort to a conversational partner – openly express empathy Adapting your listening purpose Adjust listening accordingly to a situation – certain approaches may be inappropriate i.e. listening to analyze when a relational partner is seeking emotional support Understanding Listening Styles Culture & gender affect listening styles Your listening style = habitual pattern of listening behaviors, which reflects your attitudes, beliefs, predispositions regarding the listening process 4 diff primary listening styles: action-oriented listeners – want brief, to the point, & accurate messages from others – info they can use to make decisions or initiate courses of action time-oriented listeners – prefer brief & concise encounters (tend to let you know how much time they have for a convo) people-oriented listeners – listening as an opportunity to establish commonalities bet. Themselves & others (cite concern for people’s emotions; strive to demonstrate empathy) content-oriented listeners – prefer to be intellectually challenged by the messages they receive during interpersonal encounters (take time to evaluate facts & details before forming an opinion about info they’ve heard) >> people usually don’t use more than 2 styles across all interpersonal encounters Gender Differences in Listening Styles Women – more likely to use people-oriented or content-oriented listening styles Men – time-oriented & action-oriented Culture & Listening Styles Individualistic cultures – put on time & efficiency Collectivistic cultures – people & content oriented listening is emphasized Preventing Incompetent Listening Selective listening – taking in only pieces of info that are immediately salient during an encounter & dismissing the rest Natural result of fluctuating attention & salience Eavesdropping Intentionally & systematically set up situations to listen on private convos Pseudo-listening Behaving as if you’re paying attention though you’re really not Aggressive listening Attend to what others say solely to find an opportunity to attack their conversational partners Ex. someone encourages you to share your feelings, then mocks them Provocateurs – post messages solely as “trolls” to annoy others Narcissistic Listening Self-absorbed listening: the perpetrator ignores what others have to say & redirects the convo to him Nov 12 CH. 7 Communicating Verbally nonverbal comm is the intentional or unintentional transmission of meaning through nonspoken physical & behavioral cues 1. Nonverbal comm uses multiple channels (body lang., what you wear, etc.) 2. Nonverbal comm is more ambiguous (more uncertainty, nonverbals can send a diff message than your verbal – contradicts) 3. Nonverbal comm has fewer rules 4. Nonverbal comm has more meaning mixed messages 5. Nonverbal comm is influenced by culture 6. Nonverbal comm is influenced by gender women are better at sending & receiving nonverbal messages men are more territorial 7. Nonverbal comm is liberated through tech various media to choose from better for long-distance rels 8. Nonverbal & verbal combine to create comm we put more faith into nonverbals than we trust the verbals nonverbal comm codes are the 8 diff means used for transmitting info nonverbally Comm through Body Movements Kinesics are visible body movements that communicate meaning Facial expression Eye contact Gestures: including emblems (we use in place of spoken word or to accompany; ex. peace sign), illustrations (pointing, how big Freebirds burrito gesture), regulators (raise your hand, look at watch) and adapters (help us regulate emotions-anger, anxiety) Posture: conveying immediacy (signifies involvement, attention, concern, awareness of another) and power Comm through Voice Vocalics are vocal characteristics we use to comm nonverbal messages Loudness Pitch Speech rate Tone PLACE THIS ORDER OR A SIMILAR ORDER WITH US TODAY AND GET AN AMAZING DISCOUNT :)