Hum M3 sha

Hum M3 sha;
Module 3: Understanding Your Mind and Emotions
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1. David Burns aims to distinguish his (Cognitive Therapy) approach to understanding emotions from other theories. What is Burns’ explanation about where emotions come from and what are some of the competing ideas about where emotions come from that he wishes to distinguish his view from.
2. From the Branden reading, what are “values”? How do human beings acquire values, as opposed to animals? How do values relate to emotions, according to the authors you read?
3. Take the following personality assessments and in one or two paragraphs describe and evaluate your results.
Assessment 2.2 Dominant Values {LINK: http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0073381225/student_view0/chapter2/self-assessment_2_2.html }
Assessment 3.4 Cognitive Empathy {LINK: http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0073381225/student_view0/chapter3/self-assessment_3_4.html }
Assessment 3.5 Emotional Empathy {LINK: http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0073381225/student_view0/chapter3/self-assessment_3_5.html }
Assessment 4.4 Dispositional Mood Scale {LINK: http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0073381225/student_view0/chapter4/self-assessment_4_4.html }
·You _Can Chang~ _tb~-~-­
Way You ·Feel.
.-·,·
Many people believe that their bad moods result from factors beyond
their control. They ask, “How can I possibly feel happy? My”girlfriend
rejected me. Women always put me down.” Or they ·say, “How can I
feel good aboutmyself? rm not particularly successful; 1 don’t have a
glamorous career; i’m just an inferior person,· a:nd that’.s re~lity.-”
Some people attribute their blue moods to their . -hormones- or ·body
chemistry. Others believe that their sour outlook ·results . from some
childhood event· that has long been forgotten and buried deep in their :
unconscious. Some people argue that it’s realistic to feel bad because
.they’ re. ill or have recently experienced a personal disappointment.
Others attribute their bad modds to ~he state of the·world-the shaky
economy, ·the ,bad weather, taxes, traffk jams, the threat of nude~r
war. Misery; they argue; is inevitable.
· ”
Of course there’s some· truth “?in all of these ideas. Out-.:feeli’rigs.
undoubtedly are influenced by external events, ‘by our body cn~,inistry ,. and . by conflicts and traumas from the past. However~1(~hese
theories are based on the notion that. our feelings are beyorid·ouf”t.ob.~foh
If you say, “I just can’t help the way I feel,” you will 6nlf rna¥.e .yourself a victim of your misery-arid you’ll be fooling·~~yout~:e~.f, . ‘:.;
because you .can change the way you feeL
‘ : · :;;,;~;:-w~r;f1~ .t
:::.~i::.~-~t{~~~
1
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4
THE FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK
If you want to feel better, you must realize that your thoughts and··
attitudes-not external event~-create your feelings .. You can learn’ to·
change the way you think, feel, . and behave in the here:=.and-now. .
~hat simple but revo.Iutionary principle. cano~help you:·change ;.your ..
life.
.
··
To illustrate the· important relationship between your thoughts and
y~ur moods, con~i?er. the m~ny· ~ays· you, might react to a compliment. Suppose I told you, ‘_’I really like rou: I think you’re a neat
person.” How would you fed?. Some pegpie would feel pleased and
h~ppy. Others .might feel sad and· guHty ~ ~ome people. would feel
embarrassed, and some would·react with anger and annoyance. What
explains such different reactions? It’s because of the different .ways
they might think about the compliment. If you feel sad, you’re··.
probably .thinking, “Ah, Dr. Burns is just saying that to make me
feel good. He’s just trying to be nice to me, but he doesn’t really
mean it.” If you feel annoyed, yoµ. might be thinking, “He’s flattering me. He must be trying to get something from me. Why isr,i’t he
more honest?” If you feel good about the compliment, you’re likely
to be thinking, “Gee; Dr. Burns likes me ..That’s great!” In each case
the external event-the compliment-is the same. The way you feel
.r:esults entirely from the way yo.u think aboµt fr. That’s what- I mean
when).-say that youqhoughts create your moods.
.
,: This is also true· when something . . bad .happens. Suppo~e; &oro~one
· .yQu… ~.es.peq. c;ritici~~s -yqu.:·H.ow.woµld.:you feel?, You may feel:guilty
and;mad~qu~te if.you t~Hyour:selfyou’re no.good ~nc! the P!obl~m.k
aH yoµr fi1ult. You’. will (eel.;a~~i<?u~:.and w9rri~cl-;if you tell you.rself
t,hat th~ other person.is .loo~ing.,qoym 9n yo’-1.·andi~.going -to reject
you. You’ll. feel a_ngry jf you telJ- yqtJ._tself th~t -.ifs all their- .fault and
·they have no right to. say such u_nfair -~hjp.g~ .. Jf yoµ, haye a good sense
of self-.esteem, you might feel curious and try to understand what the
other person .is thinking anci fe~ling-.-I,:1,ea~b.:ca&e, yQur reac.tion. will
~~pend on the way you think -~bout.:tbe c.ritici~m. ·The messages you
give yourself have an enormous i~pi;i~t Qn ym~remotions. And what’s
~~~p.”‘ wore. impp~tan~, by leart1-ing i to change your. thoughts, .you ·can ‘
c~ap.ge, the way_ yoµ ·feel. .
.. . .
.;
_ . . .
.
_,,J:’he . powerful methods desn;ibed .in thi~· .boo~- have h~lpeq. thou.s~nds of peop~e take greater chafge of their emotions, their careers,
and· th~i.r pers.onal re~ationships-and they can h~lp ·you. It’s _not
always eru;y.;:.Considerable effort and per~istenqe are sometimes· req_uired to snap out of a bad moo,d. But .it can be done! The
YOU
CAN CHANGE THE WAY YOU
FEEL
:5
techniques are practical. and· str~ightforward; and you can make: them
work for you. · ·
···
· .
.
This new approach· is .called ‘_’co,gt:iitive· behavior- therapy” b~cause
you learn· t<hhange· the way Y.ou. think, the way.. yoµ: be~ave, and the
way you feel. A”c:ogQi~ion” Js .simP,ly a _th~ught. Xou ma~ :~~ve
noticed that .when. you feel. depressep1.or anxious_ r:ou ‘are th~?J~~ng
about yours~lf and your Hfe .in .a pessi.rp.istk; self-critical· way. You 1
may wake u:P feeling. discourag;ed a_nd tell yourse~f, “Ugh!·. Wh~f·s the
point. in getting out of bed?” Y oil n:ia.Y feel ~~xmus. and mferior. ~t a
social gathering because you tell yourself, ·I don t have anything
witty or- interesting to say.” Cogni”tive therapists ·believe that these
negative thinking ;patterns actuallf cause. you to• feel. depre~s~d. and
anxious. When you think about your ptoblemS’i1i a more positive·and
realistic· way, you· will experience greater seff-esteem; intimacy, .:and
productivity.
· ·
·,
·

··. · · · ·
If you want to break out· of a bad mood, you must first. unde~stand
that every type ofn~gative feeling results from a specific kind··of
negative thought. Sadness af!r/depression ·resul~ from ‘thoughts of loss.
You .think. you .have)9st some~hing, -,in:iporta,nt: to your self-esteem.
Perhaps yoµ were .rej_ec~ed. by,~()meop~ you ~-~~ed a great deal about.
You might have retired or lost . your job ;. or missed out on an
important career opportuni~y.. Frustration_: results from unfulfilled expectations. You tell yourself that things·should be different from the
way they really are. For example, ·’.’That· train shouldn’t be so late
when I’m i~ such a hurry. Darn id” Anxiety and panit· result f:rom
thoughts of danger. Befol:e you’give a, speech ·~n front of a g~ou~ ,?f
people, you ·(eel· ne~ou~ .bec~u~e you antic’~~a:f~ ~hat your v~1ce will
tremble and your Il}ind ~i~l ·go. blank .. You ·imagme that you 11 make
a fool of yourself. Guilt results from t~e. thoupht that you are ~ad.
·When a friend makes an unreasonable request, you may feel a twmge
of’guik and think, “A really riice.persori V/cmld say yes.'” Then you
may agree to something that isn’t.really’in your best interest. ·Feelings
of inferiority resulffrom _the tho1:1g~t·-that y~m’re inadequat~ in compadson with ‘other~:’:Yoii think,’ “S.he’s so much better lookmg than I
am” or “He’s so ri:mch smarter arid more. successful. What’s wrong
with me?” Anger fesults from:feel’ings of unfairness. You tell yourself
that someone· is treating you ·unjustly or trying to take advantage of
you.
The_ list on pages ·6-7 illustrates the· connection betwee.n your
thoughts and Y?Ur feelings. Study this table carefully. It will help .
6
THE FEELING GOOD HANDBOOK
YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR FEELINGS
Emotion
Sadness or
depression
Guilt or
shame
Thoughts that lead to this ‘erhotfon
. Thoughts of loss: a romantic rejection . the death
of ·a lo_ve& one’ the Ioss” of a.= job’: o’r ihe f~ilure
··· ~o ~ch1~ve an important pedoh~fgoaL
.You believe that yo~’ve hur.t. s.o~eone. o~ that
you’ve failed to live up t 9 y~l~,. 0~11 rh9tal standa~ds. Guilt results from self-c;ondem~ation
wh~reas shame involves..t~e fear_ ~h;~ y()u}ilfos~
face ,when others find out about ‘Yhat you did.
·Anger, irritation, ·You f~el that. someone is treating. you unfairly ·
annoyance, or
or trymg to take advantage of you.
. resentment
Frustration
. ~ife falls short of your expectations. You insist
tha~ things should be d~ff~rent. k might be
your own performance (”!shouldn’t have made
that ~istake”), what sorrleOcrie else’ does (“He.
should ve b.een on time!”), or an event (“Why
does the traffic always slow down when I’m in
a_ ~urry?”).
·
Anxiety_, worry,
. You ~e~ieve you: re in d_a~er. b~c;~use_ ~oµ think
fear, nervousS?methmg bad 1s about to-·:happ.en~”What if
ness, or panic
. the plane .c~hes?” “Wliat if my -rni.nd goes. blank
wh~~-~ grve z:1Y t~lk_i~J~op~ <>(;~t(t4o~;e pe~~le. What 1f this ~hest pa,in .is the start of a
heart attack?”
,_ ‘ ·
Inferiority or
Yo~ compare. yourself ~o ..others Md _con,clude that
inad~quacy
youre not as good.astheyare:because you’re .
?ot ~ talen~;d, ;attracti~e,. charrni_ng, sµccessful,
_mtelltgent~ Shes ~eally_gqt:w];la,.~..it ~aj(e.s.. She’s
so cute. All t~e mei:. are cq~i:!’.lg her: l’m just
·~yei;a~e. ~here.~· p.oth1ng_ very -~~cial aboµt me.”
Loneliness
You tell yourself that. you~r~:~bo~~d’t’b feel un~appy because you’re alone and you aren’t getting enough ~ove aµd att~ndqn;-from others.
YOU CAN CHANGE THE WAY VOU FEEL
Emotion
Hopeles~ness
7
Thoughts that lead to ‘his. e”!otio”
or
You feel convinced that your problems will go
discouragem~nt
-O~ -~gfeyer and that _tpirigs will-9:~¥$;f)tilp~ove.
· . “I’l.l: Qeve~ get over,this ..~epress1on’,” :’or..”l,·just
can’t lose weight and keep it off,” or “I’ll never
find a goo~ jpb, ~· or: ‘.’I’Jl be alon~ forever.”
you _und~rstand wl:iy,’_you’re in the mood.ypu’re in, and this can make
it easier to ·e:h~nge the way yo~ fe~~.
. ~-~
What you will learn here is that even though you are convin~ed they
are ·valid, mosf·of the n¢gative thbti.glirs-th~t make~–you Jeel ·bad are
distorted· and unrealistic. Example:’ FOllowihg a romantic breakup or
divorce you tell yourself, ”It’s ·all niy·fault/-1 must be unlovable. I’ll
never be dose to anyone.” You feel” so rcit:ten that it seems absolutely
true, and you think your life is over·. Mo’nths later you begin to date
and you start to feel close to ·people again. It suddenly daw~s on you
·that you are lovable ·after all, thaf yoµ:’weren’t ·entire~y responsible for
the breakup of your rel~tionship:- You wond~r how in the world you
could have believed all the put;..downs you *ere heaping on yourself.
But a~ the time, your negar.~ve thoughts _seeined completely. v~lid·:
That’s one qf, the pecql~ar ;th~ngs ap~µ! .b.~d moods.:_:_we .often fool
.oui:.~~lve~_-Jn9 …s.~e~~e~-~!-~epr, by t~l!]~r,i~.:. 9~~~elves things that simply
are not tt;ue. And .the str~nge .thi,ng.J.s. th~t. we usually don’t have
the vague~t suspicion that we’r_e being· rn_nned by our misery and·
.
· self-d9ub.t~
The ten· forms_ of. distorted thinking tP,at lead. to n~gative moods
are listed·· on ‘p~ge~ .s:…J.1 .. $pidy ~hiS-~Jisf:carefully, because you will
referto it fre.qrieO:tly as.you do t4e exerc~se$)fithe book. Many· people
·

have told me that. t.his li~t changqd .thei~J~y~s.
One disclaimer is- necessary. “There are: ·~any dme~ when negative
feelings· are healthy a:nd appropriate.-‘Uarrlihg wheh~’to accept these
feeling·s and· how to cope wi~h 1t ·realisticaHy·,·negative situation is just
as importa:n:t as’ learning hovi’to rid yourselfof distorted thoughts and
feelings. Ifa loved’ one is seriously ill, you;·will feel concerned. These
sad feelings are a·sign of caring·. If the House you had your heart set
on is sold to someone who made a slightly.higher offer, it is natural
to feel disappointed. If you’re havi~g a[{argiu:nent with your spou~e,
you will probably feel angry and hurt. If }_70U have to give a speech or

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