Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?

  Beyond what has already been shared in your application, what do you believe makes you stand out as a strong candidate for admissions to the University of California?   writing this essay focusing on how tennis made become an independent individual who could make her own decisions. I was told that it is not a strong essay and my focus is lost in the essay, therefore, I need help to write a 350 words essay to focus of a story how tennis made me a strong independent thinker who solve problems on her own and so on... Could you please rewrite my essay and make it better?